Confessions of A Mellow Mind

Days have been hectic and nights chaotic. Room is getting smaller day by day and cycle tyres depreciating hour by hour. Mind has been swarmed with myriad thoughts and body with layers of fat. (Dude!!! I’m working on it). But, it ain’t a place to lament. I have been out of blogosphere for quite a long time. साला टाइम नही मिलता ना...
Dude has been thinking a lot these days. ये करना है, वो करना है, ज़िन्दगी मिलेगी ना दोबारा, दिल की आवाज़ सुनो, दुनिया तो कहती रहेगी, कब तक दिमाग के बंधन में बंध कर रहोगे, दिल - करता है नादानियाँ, Frick, Frick, Frick. तो जनाब ऐसा है दिमाग का हाल. साली ट्रेन शुरू होती है तो लगता है पूरे ब्रह्माण्ड का सैर कराएगी. I start a random thread in my brain and it turns out into a huge monstrous chain. My brain will burst out into pieces.
मुझे देश की सेवा करनी है. देश NIRMAAN में लगे रहो. पर स्वामीजी ने कहा था पहले “आत्मभक्ति”, फिर “सर्वभक्ति”. स्वामीजी की सुनू या Robin Keshaw की. ये भी अलग ही टेंशन है. मुझे Guitar भी सीखना है. संगीत की दुनिया का उभरता हुआ सितारा (टंग-टन-टनंग). और Economics n Finance का GOD कौन बनेगा?? Number लाने से क्या होता है, Knowledge होनी चाहिए. पूरी eco-fin के फंडे syrup बना कर घोट लो. APOGEE में project तो करना ही है, paper भी present कर दो. पर जनाब उसके लिए पढ़ना पड़ता है. Google पर search करने का टाइम है?? नही तो फिर झाल बजाओ. और सेहत के लिए खेलना कूदना भी जरुरी है. TT racket हाथ लगाये तो जमाना बीत गया है. Badminton को छोड़ नही सकते. और stamina इतनी ज्यादा weak हो गई है की दौड़ना भी बहुत जरुरी है. हफ्ते में 4 चक्कर लगाने से कुछ नही होगा . Be regular, Be sincere. और GG, Arrested Development, Heroes, Seinfeld?? कैसे ख़त्म करोगे इतने सारे seasons?? TV series को lite भी ले लो, पर movies से मन नही भरता यार. BITS छोड़ने से पहले IMDB top 250 तो देख कर ही जाना है. तो laptop में घुसे रहो. Ultimate timepass. और तुम्हे तो fotoo निकालने का भी शौक है. वो कैसे करोगे बबुआ?? Camera निकालो और निकल पडो. और ये बताइए महाराज, इन सबके बीच पढ़ाई-लिखाई तुम्हारे ससुर जी आ कर करेंगे ?? CG गिरी तो तुमको साथ लेकर गिरेगी, वो भी अंधे कुए में. सवाल अनेक पर जवाब के नाम पर ठेंगा. हो गया मन ठंडा . कोई superman तो हो नही!!! कैसे करोगे इतना सब कुछ?
डर लगता है, घबराहट भी होती है. पर ये तो सबके साथ होता है. Sunil Handa sir ने कहा था- “फट्टू सब होते है. अगर मैं हल्दी घाटी की लडाई के पहले महाराणा प्रताप के सामने Mic ले जाकर पूछता, कैसा लग रहा है? जवाब आता- यार फट तो रही है, पर मैं संभाल लूँगा.” अब मुझे भी लगता है, डर तो सबको लगता है. पर इंसान वही जो डर के आगे देखे. ज़िन्दगी यही तो है. Accept it at its face value. खुश रहो, खुश रखो. तुम्हारे कर्म ही तुम्हारे ज़िन्दगी के प्रतिबिम्ब है. कर्म शुद्ध है तो असर ज़िन्दगी पर भी पड़ेगा. जो मन में आता है वो करो, पर पूरी जान लगा कर. अपना तन, मन, धन सब लगा दो और उसे achieve कर के दिखाओ. और फल की भी चिंता करो. उसके बिना सब अधूरा है. आज दुनिया तुम्हारे market price को value देती है. तुम्हारी intrinsic value तो कही भीड़ में दब जायेगी. जितना मेहनत ख़ुद पर करो, उतना ही उसे sell करने में भी . वरना race में पीछे रह जाओगे. जवानी का मतलब carelessness नही होता है. Don’t try to fool yourself by showing that “Slapdash is my attitude, carelessness is my asset”. सबके ज़िन्दगी में ठहराव आना चाहिए. अब नही तो कब.
तो जनाब अब समझ में आया की मेरे दिमाग में क्या क्या चलता रहता है? बेहतर है की यहाँ पूर्ण विराम लगा दिया जाए, वरना Robin बाबा के पोटली में से रत्न निकलते रहेंगे. टाटा बाय बाय सायोनारा!!!

Pinch Me!!! Bite Me!!!

I don't feel anything. Pinch me...Uh huh, nopes...still the same!!!
Everyone around me is so concerned about the recent happenings. Dudes are coming out with assortment of "Bon Ton" words to lament about our national security, non dudes are coming up with innovative "gaaliya" to curse the terrorists, gults are seen whispering something in between which terrorism and Mumbai crops up. All of them are grimmer than ever. But I am not.
Some are frustrated, some are angry, some are charged, some have taken vows to become IPS officers, some want to assault these bloody terrorists in public, some want God to intervene in the matter, many of them flashed a cool gtalk sm for some days, numerous posts are up on blog-o-sphere, zillions of words have been given tongue to. I am listening to Duma Dum Mast Kalandar, feeling nothing... VOID, BLANK. Don't mistake it for being helpless. I am feeling....oh, wait a minute,perhaps something......nopes, nothing. I am more concerned about my compre tomorrow. It's not like, I haven't tried. I added im@ibnalerts.com to my gtalk list, ran to tell my wingies and friends about the breaking news, made some condemnable faces, mutter a few striking words, made few "chchchch" sounds, only to come back to my room and feel nothing. Goddamn my nerve cells, when will you respond... I am an emo guy(refer Atin's blog). I am sentimental. Then why this void.
I am not feeling anything or I don't want to??? Compre, grades, Ali da pehla number, EGP, planning comission, not terrorism, not mumbai, Harivansh Rai Bachhan's poem-

यह महान दृश्य है,
चल रहा मनुष्य है,
अश्रु, श्वेद, रक्त से,
लथपथ, लथपथ, लथपथ,
अग्निपथ, अग्निपथ, अग्निपथ......

L'échec enseigne la vie

L'échec enseigne la vie- hmmm...

Before you dilate your eyes wide open, lemme clarify writing in French is never as simple as typing and clicking. Failure teaches life. That’s what I used for my pertinence.

Success was never any more normal and nor was failure any more sweeter, before 29^th Aug,2008(it took me one month to come out of shell), the day I lost Sports Sec elections of my bhawan. I used to be a modest, risk averse, quite complacent and content guy. I was so happy for the things falling in my way rather than I going out of my way to decide their course. And this was due to the sheer fear of the dreaded word- “loosing”. I never wanted to take any step where the outcome had a ‘may’ or ‘might’ tag attached with it. Be it my trivial, day-to-day activities like playing “chop” shots over smashes on TT table or some of my life changing decisions like choosing DPS, R.K. Puram over rigorous JEE preparation. Or taking a wide detour of Gandhi Maidan (during my school days) to avoid the bunch of hooligans eying to bully passers-by. These examples may sound totally out-of-place for you, but it is where my thinking was to ensure “Less-risk, Less-return” principle. I always wanted the world to think that- “He got what he tried for” rather than “He tried and failed”. Even though it meant aiming for stars and settling for them only, rather than aiming for the moon. To cut the story short, I always minimized the risk factor and compromised with my course of action to make the end result more gratifying.

But, it was until the day, when it took one gult and his 104 odd supporters to make me realise the importance of failure. It took me almost one month of contemplation and self realisation to come out with this “Failure-teaches-life” theory. In between, I read numerous articles which made me realise the importance of taking risk and failure in shaping the future of an individual. One of them was what Anupam Kher wrote in TOI. Here it goes-

I was in Std. X. We used to live in a very small place and there was this restaurant nearby, where we used to go once in every six months or so or on some special occasions. One day, after coming from his office, my father took me to the restaurant although we have been there just one week back. I was amused. He asked me to order whatever I want, even the most expensive dishes. I was very curious to know to what had made my father so generous. I asked him whether he has won some lottery or a prize. He said-“ I went to education board’s office and came to know that you have failed in your exams”. I was shell shocked. I gathered the courage to ask that why is he treating me. He replied calmly-“We are celebrating your failure so that never ever in life you will be afraid of failures”. This was one incident which changed my life completely because I learnt the art of taking failure in right stride.

I personally feel that one should always vie for taking reasonable risk rather than being concerned about the consequence of an unsuccessful attempt. I am not trying to be a Stephen R. Covey or Swett Marden here, I just took a cue out of my own life to delineate the importance of failure(sometimes!!!). Despite asserting the same thing over and over (which I very often do), I don’t think I have been able to convey my feelings to you. I would like to sum all these in my own words-

“Life is total failure without success, but it’s neither a success without failure”